Even if...

"Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." ~Daniel 3: 16-18

This week, I (and thousands of others) have been praying for a godly woman named Joanne. She is a wife, a mother of two daughters, a woman's ministry leader, author, and more. She only 38 years old, and her daughter found her seizing and unresponsive. She had a massive stroke, and despite immediate treatment, surgery, and additional surgery to remove part of her skull to allow room for her brain's swelling, she is in critical condition still today. She has not woken up yet, and just this hour her husband has reported that she has a fever and her heart rate and bp are not where they should be.

Thousands of us around the world have been keeping up a prayer vigil for this dear one. Praying for total healing, for protection, for her daughters' emotional well-being, for her husband's strength and comfort, for her friends and family who are devastated this week.

God alone knows if she will make it through this. HE alone knows what her physical condition will be tonight, tomorrow, a week from now, a year from now, 10 years from now. We are praying fervently for her healing. We are claiming His promises that He will heal, that the prayers of godly men bring healing to the sick.

But my mind today keeps drifting back to Daniel. When the Babylonian king, Nebuchadnezzar, was about to throw these three Hebrews into the furnace for refusing to worship the idol he set up, their answer was this: Our God can save us. But even if He doesn't, we still will serve Him.

Even if.

God can heal. He does heal. We beg Him to heal. But even if He doesn't, we will still worship Him, serve Him, love Him.

I beg you, Lord, to bring healing and restoration to Joanne and her family. And teach all of to live according to your ways even if...

Desires

Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. ~Psalm 37:1-8

Delight yourself in the Lord. Delight in God.

This verse surrounded me, enveloped me, consumed me a year and a half ago. It was a Sunday morning and I had missed church due to a major migraine. I decided to spend my time in bible study even though it was very difficult to stay upright with the pain. I hit this verse and stopped completely.

What does it mean to delight yourself in God? And what does it mean that He'll give you the desires of your heart?

The Hebrew word for "delight" here is `anag. It has a variety of possible meanings according to The KJV Old Testament Hebrew Lexicon (Brown, Driver, Briggs, Gesenius Lexicon):
1. to be soft, be delicate, be dainty
2. to be delicate
3. to be of dainty habit, be pampered
4. to be happy about, take exquisite delight
5. to make merry over, make sport of

It's as if God is saying - "pamper yourself with me, make yourself merry because of me, experience total delight and joy in me, beloved!" Most of the times this word is used in the Old Testament, it is a verb - delight yourself in the Lord God. But sometimes it implies delicateness, softness, even tenderness.

The LORD - knowing Him, loving Him, accepting His love, understanding who He is and His ways - He should be our delight, our tender joy, our merriness!

How do we delight in Him? For me, delighting in the Lord began with a decision to find out who He says He is. I spent 16 months reading through the Bible and noting everything I learned about Elohim. I knew that I could only delight in Him if I knew Him - just like I can only delight in my fiancee because I spend time with him and know him more and more. It sounds trite, but perhaps it's trite because it's so true - spending time reading scripture, pondering it, studying it, praying about it - it's really the best way to get to know this Awesome God.

And when you do, you find that you can't wait to learn more, because He is so amazing. The mercy, the compassion, the righteousness, the holiness, the power, the love - all of these attributes of God are compelling. They are humbling. And they are uplifting.

I developed an almost ravenous hunger for teaching and scripture. I listened to my pastor's taped sermons as much as I could, I joined a women's bible study, I started really studying for the first time in my adult Christian life. And then a funny thing happened. I had confessed to God that I didn't understand how delighting in Him would lead to Him giving me the desires of my heart, because they were all about my human needs (or so I thought). Companionship, friendship, security, a husband, etc. I didn't get how those would be fulfilled just because I delighted in God.

But I've come to realize over this last year that getting to know God Almighty - El Shaddai - means you cannot stay the same. You cannot come face to face with the Eternal God and not be transformed. You see, the more I have come to know God, the more I delight in Him. And the more I delight in Him, the more the desires of my heart are to please Him, to know Him even better, and to live the life He has planned for me.

I'm here to tell you, my friends, that God's word never goes unfulfilled! He fulfills every single promise. For me, that fulfillment has meant a radical shift in my priorities - and my career - but it is so worth it. God is such an amazing, awe-some God. Jesus Christ is LORD!

Changes, oh the changes

My life has been changing drastically over the last year and a half, and it seems only fitting that this blog does, too. The major changes in my life have been these:

1. My mom and her sister both have breast cancer. Mom has stage iv metastatic breast cancer, and she is doing well right now. Her older sister has (I think) stage II or barely stage III and is undergoing treatment but is doing well so far. Our lives will be forever changed.

2. I'm engaged to be married in June, and cannot wait. I love my fiancee, I love his family, and I am so excited about starting a new role in life as his wife. Even now, in the 3 months since he proposed, I have seen myself long to be his helper. I am just beginning to understand God's purpose in designing marriage and marital roles, and am so excited about helping my fiancee in all parts of life.

3. After my aunt's cancer diagnosis, I finally made the decision to stop the PhD. I informed my committee and the head of my department, as well as my boss at the current university. I think my advisor has disowned me, as he hasn't said one word to me in almost 7 months now. Everyone else was supportive. I truly feel that God is leading me to other paths that don't include finishing the dissertation. He kept shutting those doors and opening my heart to other desires and goals. So while I am teaching this year and have applied for a job at a community college for next year, I will no longer be a PhD candidate. I made it through comps and orals and some research, but I don't see myself ever trying to go back and finish. It just isn't my priority. All I want now is to contribute to our family's financial well-being once we're married and to take care of my soon-to-be husband and (God willing) any kids we'll have.

I'm not sure how well I'll do at keeping this up, since I seem to be bad at writing much these days, but I see this turning into something else. I really feel like I need to be talking more about the amazing God I serve and His love and instruction. So while I'll still talk about life and teaching sometimes, I'm hoping that this can become a place to consider the wonders of God's word. I just pray that God would speak through me and keep me in wisdom and understanding.

So just to start off, I'll share one of my spiritual goals this year. I have slowly been becoming part of a women's ministry called Living Proof Ministries. I've gone through two of the bible studies the ministry has put out, and they are wonderfully grounded in scripture (which makes me love them). This year, beginning January 1st, they put out a call for women to pledge to memorize 24 verses this year - two per month, on the first and 15th of each month. I immediately wanted to take part for the accountability. So here is my first verse of 2011:



"God is not a man that He should lie, nor a son of man that He should change His mind. Does He speak and not act? Does He promise and not fulfill?" ~Numbers 23:19


I was drawn to this verse partly through having read the allegory Hinds Feet on High Places over Christmas break. The Shepherd tells Much-Afraid that He is not a man, that He should lie - He would never lie to her. She responds, "Even if you did lie to me, I would still follow you." Oh, that my heart would respond in such a way - even if you did deceive me, Lord, I can do nothing but follow you. I love you and can only choose you from this point forward!

I also wanted to start my scripture journey this year with a reminder that He is truthful, faithful, and will never deceive us. How can we trust His Word if we think He is like man - lying, deceitful, sinful? One of the first steps in really delving into the Word is acknowledging in faith that God is not a man that He could lie, nor a son of man that He could change His mind. From that starting point, Scripture is a glorious, awesome, and challenging insight into the heart of God.

1. He will not deny what He has promised.
2. He will not change the rules half-way through your life.
3. He will not forsake those who love Him.
4. He will never act in a way that contradicts what He says about Himself in scripture.

Trust in this! Even if you don't trust mankind, if you have been deceived and pained and betrayed, if you have built up so many walls not even a nuclear bomb could penetrate your defenses - know that you can trust God. He is faithful!

Oh, Lord, that we might trust you and what you say in your word, and that 2011 might be the year that we as your children finally allow your Spirit to fully dwell within us and work through us to glorify your name!

Awesome God

{Oh yeah, since I haven't posted on here in forever... I'm engaged! We're to be married in my parents' church in June. I can't wait!}

So last August I decided I wanted to read through the entire Bible - verse by verse, chapter by chapter, book by book. I have never done that before, so I figured I needed to give it a greater purpose than simply "read through the Bible." So on August 21st of last year, I decided that I would read, but as I read I would take notes on anything I found that showed me who God is - His character, His desires, His hates, etc., all with scripture references.

It took me just under 16 months to read through all 66 books while doing this special project along with it. Some of the delay came from traveling this summer and getting off track for a while, but I finished it tonight (er, last night, since it's after 1 am on Thursday now) (Wed, Dec 15), at 11:30 p.m. My final file with all of my references and notes came to 62 pages. Wow! God is truly awesome. I am in awe at the things I've found out about the God I serve through this.

So this is pretty long, but it's just a small a taste of what I've learned about this Great and Awesome, Almighty God we serve:

Old Testament Thoughts (a sampling)

Genesis: He is the creator (ch 1); He is a covenant-making God (9:9-17); He sees us (16:13)

Exodus: He hears our groanings and remembers His promises (2:24); He knows men’s hearts (9:35); He shows love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commandments (20:6); He provides for our atonement (30:14-16)

Leviticus: He requires atonement for sin (ch 4); He is holy, and demands that His people be holy (19:2); He demands obedience because He is the LORD, YHWH, the God of Israel (chapters 22-25)

Numbers: He guides us and makes Himself visible so we would know which way to go (the cloud, fire) (9:15-17); He is never lacking in the power to do what He says He will do (11:23); He is not a man, that He should lie, or a son of man, the He should change his mind (23:19)

Deuteronomy: He is a merciful God, and will not abandon, destroy, or forget us (4:31); He, the LORD our God, the LORD is one. (6:4); He is God of gods, Lord of lords, the great God, the mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes, who defends the fatherless and widow, loves the alien (10:17-18)

Joshua: He commands us to be strong and courageous because He is with us everywhere we go (1:9); He will bring judgment as well as blessings – He does not go back on His covenants (23:15-16)

Judges: He still has compassion on His people even when they suffer because of disobedience (2:18); He is faithful even when we doubt, and He gives us what we need to obey (6:36-40); He walks us through, step by step, to overcome our fear (7:10-15)

Ruth: He provides for His people (1:6)

1 Samuel: He brings death and makes alive; brings to the grave and raises up; sends poverty and wealth; humbles and exalts; raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash (2:8); He sometimes gives us what we want, even though He does not want it for us (ch 10); He does not look at the outward appearance; He looks at Man’s heart (16:7)

2 Samuel: He has done great things for the sake of His word and according to His will (7:21); He is our shield and the horn of our salvation, our stronghold, our refuge, our savior (22:3); He shows himself faithful to the faithful; blameless to the blameless; pure to the pure (22:26-27)

1 Kings: He requires that we walk in His ways, keep His decrees/commands/laws/requirements (2:3); He came not in the wind or earthquake or fire, but in the gentle whisper (19:11-12)

2 Kings: He is longsuffering, but He will punish wickedness (17:18-20); He is enthroned between cherubim, alone is God over all kingdoms of the earth (19:15)

1 Chronicles: He remembers His covenant forever, His word for a thousand generations (16:15); He searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts (28:9); He tests the heart and is pleased with integrity (29:17)

2 Chronicles: He cannot be contained by the heavens, even the highest heavens (2:6); He will hear from heaven, forgive sin, and heal the land when His people humble themselves, pray, seek His face, and turn from their wicked ways (7:14); He is neither unjust, partial, nor does He bribe (19:7)

Ezra: He, God, is the one who moves hearts (1:5); He gives light to our eyes and relief in our bondage (9:8); He punishes less than we deserve because of our sins (9:13)

Nehemiah: He is a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love (9:17); He is just and faithful (9:33); He gives great joy (12:43)

Esther: He turns sorrow into joy and mourning into celebration (9:22)

Job: He is sovereign (1:6); He is God: to Him alone belong strength and victory (12:16); He can do all things – no plan of His can be thwarted (42:2)

Psalms: He will not abandon me to the grave, nor will He let His Holy One see decay (16:10); He is the King of glory, the LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle (24:7-8); He does not delight in sacrifice or burnt offerings, but in the broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart (51:16-17); His love is as great as the heavens are high above the earth; as far as east is from the west, he has removed our transgressions (103:11-12)

Proverbs: He is the source of knowledge and wisdom: the fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom (1:7); He disciplines those He loves, as a father the son he delights in (3:12); He detests the ways of the wicked but loves those who pursue righteousness (15:9)

Ecclesiastes: He set eternity in the hearts of men, yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end (3:11); He will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidding thing, good or evil (12:14)

Song of Solomon: He is the bridegroom and He loves the bride, His people (whole book)

Isaiah: He desires that we seek justice, encourage the oppressed, defend the fatherless, and plead for the widow (1:17); He, the Spirit of the Lord, is the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD (11:2); He, the LORD, is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom (40:28)

Jeremiah: He knew you before He formed you in the womb; before you were born He set you apart (1:5); He desires that we boast not of our own wisdom or strength or riches, but that we’d boast of our understanding and knowledge of Him, that He is the LORD who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in those He delights (9:23-24); He will never stop doing good to His people, and He will inspire them to fear Him so that they will never turn away from Him (32:40)

Lamentations: He has done what He planned; He has fulfilled His word, which He decreed long ago (2:17); He loves us – because of His great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is His faithfulness (3:22-23)

Ezekiel: He speaks what He wills, and it shall be fulfilled without delay (12:25); He does nothing without cause (14:23); He takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live (33:11)

Daniel: He is the God of gods and the Lord of kings and a revealer of mysteries (2:47); He, the Ancient of Days, will pronounce judgment in favor of the saints of the Most High (7:22); He is the great and awesome God, who keeps His covenant of love with all who love Him and obey His commands (9:4)

Hosea: He has torn us to pieces but He will heal us; He has injured us but He will bind up our wounds (6:1); He desires mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings (6:6); He is the LORD God Almighty, the LORD is His name of renown (12:5)

Joel: He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity. (2:13); He will pour out His Spirit on all people; Israel’s sons and daughters will prophesy, their old men will dream dreams, their young men will see visions; even on His servants, both men and women, He will pour out His Spirit in those days (2:28-29)

Amos: He will judge sin (all of ch 1); He who made the Pleiades and Orion, who turns blackness into dawn and darkens day into night, who calls for the waters of the sea and pours them out over the face of the land – the LORD is His name (5:8)

Obadiah: He punishes those who attack Israel but will deliver Israel (1-17)

Jonah: He answers our calls and listens to our cries (2:2); He sees when we turn from our evil ways and has compassion upon us (3:10)

Micah: He has shown you, o man, what is good and what the LORD requires of you: to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God (6:8); He alone is God: who is like Him, who pardons sins and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance; He does not stay angry forever but delights to show mercy (7:18)

Nahum: He is a jealous and avenging God; the LORD takes vengeance and is filled with wrath (1:2); He is slow to anger and great in power; the LORD will not leave the guilty unpunished (1:3)

Habakkuk: He, the LORD, is from everlasting, the Holy One (1:12); His eyes are too pure to look on evil; He cannot tolerate wrong (1:13); He is the Sovereign LORD – He is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights (3:19)

Zephaniah: He, the LORD, is righteous – He does no wrong. Morning by morning He dispenses His justice, and every new day He does not fail (3:5); He, the LORD your God, is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing (3:17)

Haggai: He shakes the heavens and earth, the sea and dry land, and all the nations and fills His house with glory (2:7)

Zechariah: He is determined to do good again to Jerusalem and Judah (8:15); He refines His children in the fire like silver and tests them like gold; they will call on His name and He will answer them; He will say, ‘They are my people,’ and they will say, ‘the LORD is our God.’ (13:9)

Malachi: He has loved you (1:2); He, the LORD, does not change (3:6); He will throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it (3:10)


New Testament Thoughts (a sampling)

Matthew: He is victorious over the devil (ch 4); He knows our needs and provides for them (6:8, 25-31); He is the Christ, the Son of the Living God (16:16); He is not willing that even one be lost (18:13); He is RISEN! (28:6)

Mark: He, Jesus, is the Son of God (1:1); He came to serve and give His life as a ransom for many (10:45); He is the Christ, the Son of the Blessed One, the Son of Man who sits at the right hand of the Mighty One, who will come on the clouds of heaven (14:61-62)

Luke: He has come and has redeemed His people (1:68); He, Jesus, was annointed to preach good news to the poor, to proclaim freedom for the captives, recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, and to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor, as Isaiah predicted (4:18-21); He forgave even his executioners (23:34)

John: He was in the beginning and made all things (1:1-3); He is the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world (1:29); He grants eternal life, not condemnation, for all who hear His word and belive (5:23); He, the Son, set us free, and we are free indeed! (8:36)

Acts: He cannot be contained by death (2:24); He will not let His Holy One see decay (2:27); He does not show favoritism, but accepts men from every nation who fear Him and do what is right (10:34-35)

Romans: His gospel is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes (1:16); He presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in His blood. He did this to demonstrate His justice, because in His forbearance He had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished (3:25); His kingdom is not a matter of eating or drinking, but of righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit (14:17)

1 Corinthians: He chooses the foolish things of this world to shame the wise, the weak things of the world to shame the strong, the lowly things and despised things and things that are not to nullify the things that are so that none may boast before Him (1:27-29); He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts (4:5); He is not a God of disorder, but of peace (14:33)

2 Corinthians: He is the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles (1:3-4); He made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God (5:21)

Galatians: He, Christ, redeemed us in order that the blessing given to Abraham might come to the Gentiles through Christ, so that by faith we might receive the promise of the Spirit (3:14); In Him, Christ, neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love (5:6)

Ephesians: He marked us in Him (when we believed) with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession – to the praise of His glory (1:13-14); He is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by abolishing in His flesh the law with its commandments and regulations (2:14-15)

Philippians: He, Christ, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likelness (2:6-7); He, Christ, humbled Himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross (2:8)

Colossians: He is pleased when we bear fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of Him, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so we may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light (1:10-12); He, Christ, is your life, and when He appears, you will also appear with Him in glory (3:4)

1 Thessalonians: He, Jesus, rescues us from the coming wrath (1:10); His will is that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him (4:3-6)

2 Thessalonians: He, Jesus, will be revealed from heaven in blazing fire with His powerful angels (1:7); He is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one (3:3)

1 Timothy: He is our Savior and our hope (1:1); He is the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God (1:17)

2 Timothy: He, Christ, destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel (1:10); He will judge the living and the dead (4:1)

Titus: He does not lie (1:2); He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy (3:5)

Philemon: the only book that says little directly about God, other than He desires that we treat each other in love, whether free or slave, wronged or not.

Hebrews: He, Christ, is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of His being, sustaining all things by His powerful word (1:3); His word is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart (4:12); He is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised inheritance – now that He has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant (9:15)

James: He is the source of every good and perfect gift, and is the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows (1:17); His coming is near (5:8)

1 Peter: His word stands forever (1:25); He is the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls (2:25)

2 Peter: He did not spare angels when they sinned; He did not spare the ancient world when He brought the flood; He condemned the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah; He rescued Lot, a righteous man distressed by the filthy lives of lawless men – He knows how to rescue godly men from trials and to hold the unrighteous for the day of judgment, while continuing their punishment (2:4-9)

1 John: He, Jesus Christ, the Righteous One, speaks to the Father in our defense (2:1); He is love (4:8)

2 John: He desires that we love one another!

3 John: He desires that His followers do what is good (1:11)

Jude: He is able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy – to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen (1:25)

Revelation: He is the First and the Last; He is the Living One; He was dead, and behold He is alive for ever and ever, and He holds the keys of death and Hades (1:17-18); His words are holy and true, and He holds the key of David – what He opens no one can shut, and what He shuts no one can open (3:7); He is worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because He was slain, and with His blood He purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation. He has made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth. (5:9-10); He speaks and out of His mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations; He will rule them with an iron sceptor, and He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty (19:15); He is the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End; to him who is thirsty He will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life (21:6); He is coming soon! (22:7); He is the Root and Offspring of David, the bright Morning Star (22:16)

This is just a small taste of what I've seen over the last 16 months. What a truly awesome, wonderful, fearsome, powerful God we serve. He deserves all glory and praise and honor and love.

Teaching week 1

I'm not sure how well I'll keep up with this, but I want to try to write each week about what I've taught, the problem areas, and the successes, since this is my first year teaching as a professor, and not as a grad student.

World History
Monday - mainly the day to introduce the course, explain the syllabus and the massive online component, and try to prep them for what we're going to expect from them.

I spent a little time asking them what they thought world history should cover, and when/where it should start. Thankfully, I have a good 10 students who seem willing to throw out ideas, so we had a wide variety of ideas of what we are supposed to cover. I was able to take what they said and try to explain briefly the idea of scale: "Big history" (usually focusing on astronomic/galactic scales); geological scale; civilizations, etc. It wasn't a long conversation, and I tend to flounder once in a while with my word choice, but I think it was a decent introduction.

Wednesday - The basic topic of readings this week was "theories of human evolution and the Paleolithic." I know very little about both, so I spent most of the last week trying to teach myself about these topics. The book did a decent job talking about the makeup of early human societies (hunter/gatherers), so I didn't want to lecture on that.

I decided that I needed a few questions to try to answer in the lecture:
1) What do scientists/archaeologists think was the course of human development?
2) How can we know anything about the Paleolithic?

So for the first 15 minutes or so, I tried to trace the most current theories on human evolution, emphasizing that these are theories, and not set-in-stone facts. I covered the most important stages, according to archaeologists, and tried to give them some comparisons of stature, diet, time period, and tools. Some students were quite willing to fill in some of the blanks for me, since I told them outright that I am most definitely not an expert in this era. They had some great things to add - though it's very hard to hear the kids in the back!

After that, I talked more in-depth about how we know anything, so I talked about the kinds of material evidence archaeologists use to study this era. Throughout, I tried to emphasize the uncertain nature of the evidence, the fact that our interpretations keep changing as we uncover new and more understandable evidence, and that these are primarily our best guesses. Much of what scientists think now about the Paleolithic is totally different than what they thought only 50 years ago. So I tried to explain that - in any era of history - we can only make our best guesses based on the evidence we have. I also wanted them to see that we don't always have any answers, so I came across an artifact found in Africa that we have no idea how to interpret. I explained that we have no clue what it might have been for! I really wanted them to grasp the fluid nature of historical interpretation. And, based on many of their responses to some discussion questions, many of them seemed to have picked up on that. They have questioned some of the interpretations in the text, which is awesome.

Finally, I came across a Nova series that nicely tied together much of what they had read about and I had lectured about, so I ended up showing around 20 minutes of the final episode. I thought it did a nice job of giving them visual representations of life in the Paleolithic era, as well as emphasizing the uncertain nature of much of the evidence, and the questions that we still have.

To improve upon: I know I need to improve on how to respond to students when they provide interesting if irrelevant information. I tend to not know exactly how to respond. I need to work on that. I also want to work on incorporating more questions (for the students) into my lectures. This class seems at least somewhat willing to answer me, so I need to remember to encourage that as the weeks go on.

Things I liked about this week: I was happy to find that, despite the size of the class, I can still lecture the way I am most comfortable. For Wednesday, I created a powerpoint mainly so I could have images of the various evidence and theories I was discussing, but used almost no text. I had maybe 10 note cards to remind me of very specific data - dates, sizes, where evidence was found by archaeologists, etc. - but I was able to primarily just talk about the material. And my technology worked. Yay!

His 200
This is my "Historians and the Study of History" class. Tuesday I talked about the basic format of the class, the assignments, etc., and had them play a little game to learn their names. I had each person give their name and a random fact, and then the person to their left had to repeat the names/facts of everyone who came before. At the end of the class, I could name all 18 students and their facts.

Thursday - Today our primary goal was to talk about what history is, what it means, and how we approach it (broadly). I assigned two small books to use for the first half of the term, and I really liked the way they both approached these issues. So I gave my students 7 or 8 study questions that we talked about today:
1) What exactly is history?
2) Is there a difference between "history" and the "past"?
3) What does it mean that history is a process?
4) What do you think about the idea that [one author] posed, saying that historians must use their imagination while interpreting the past?
5) Where is the line between "fiction" and "history?"
6) What is the purpose of writing/doing history?
7) What were the different philosophies of history (schools of thought/approaches) that [one author] laid out for us?
8) Why do you, in particular, want to study history? What do you want to get out of studying/interpreting the past?

I was really amazed at how post-modern their answers were for many of the questions. They seem to be totally comfortable - at least in theory - with the idea of imagination, blurring the lines of fiction and history, and the possibility that you can't ever really "know" the past. I think they'll have a much easier time of studying PoMo than I did at their age! Their answers covered a wide range, though - everything from believing that history = past to history = narrative and only our imposition of a story on the past. So it will be interesting to see how they deal with the material over the course of the term.

I enjoyed listening to them answer, and while I had to call on people sometimes (and with three exceptions, I had all of their names today, though I mixed up three of my male students' names), the majority of them seemed willing to respond. A few were especially willing to reply directly to another student, which is awesome for the second day of class.

To improve upon: I definitely need to work on making conversation flow a bit more easily, but hopefully that will come as I get to know the individual students and their modus operandi. I also need to figure out how to make the material last the entire 75 minutes of class. I got close today, but I'm not actually sure how I'll stretch it out for these first weeks, when we're talking mainly about methdology and not historiography.

What I liked about this week: I'm beginning to get a rapport with many of the students, and I think the fact that I'm trying so hard to get their names right is a step in the right direction. I also managed to talk fairly well about the different schools of thought. Funny how once you start talking, you realize that those 600 books you read for comps actually did help you. :-p

So that was my week. I won't write about tomorrow, because the entire class is going to be wasted on logistics (long story that I'm too tired to explain tonight).

Anyway, here's to a new start, new students, and a wonderful year!

The Writing of History

So one of the classes I've been asked to teach this fall is called "Historians and the Writing of History." The class description is ridiculously vague, and other than being told that they hope this class prepares history majors for their upper-level classes and that it should be part methodology and part historiography, everything else is at my discretion.

I've struggled for two months to make sense of this class. I've found three previous syllabi from various professors, and they are so different that they weren't very helpful. I ended up deciding to base my schedule broadly on the syllabus the head of the department created.

I'm still uncertain about readings, which is problematic, since classes begin in 30 days! Right now I'm thinking of using History: A Very Short Introduction by Arnold (part of the Oxford introduction series), and Benjamin's A Student's Guide to Writing History as basic texts for the methodology section. For the historiography... hm. I don't know yet.

My basic plan is this:
Methodology: Aug 30-Oct 14
*What is history?
*What are sources?
*Exercises: Reading secondary sources and primary sources critically
*Exercise: Using sources to help solve a problem
*Developing a research question
*Library day - work with librarians to show students how to utilize the library's resources to work on their term paper, as well as broader tools they might need as historians
*Research methods
*Reading material evidence
*Reading artistic evidence
*The importance of language in writing
*Styles of history

Historiography: Oct 19-Dec 9
*Ancient history and development of the field
*Enlightenment and "History as it really was"
*Marxism and the Dialectic
*The Annales school and the longuee duree
*Postmodernism and post-structuralism
*Exercise: language, knowledge, and power
*Post-colonialism and non-European history
*Race, class, and gender
*Exercise: Reading for race, class, and gender
*Growing fields: Environmental history
*Growing fields: Collective memory

Plus a writing day for their term paper where they must meet with me and two days to do a film analysis.

Right now, I have no idea what I want to use for readings for each day, other than the two books and an article a friend sent me on "doing history." I feel seriously stressed about figuring out the rest ASAP...

As of right now, I have basically one writing assignment per week, though many of them will be only one-page assignments:
*Secondary source reading: Find the argument!
*Judging objectivity in a secondary source
*Primary source: What does it reveal about the author?
*Primary source: judging biases
*Term paper proposal
*Primary source: reading material evidence
*Primary source: reading artistic evidence
*Secondary source: evaluating their evidence
*Secondary source: complete reviews of two sources
*Annotated bibliography for term paper
*Term paper outline
*Primary source: complete review of two primary sources for term paper
*Term paper rough draft (minimum 4 pages)
*Film analysis
*Term paper (5-8 pages)


I know it's a lot, but, again, most of these I will put a maximum page length of a page or two. It's mainly the readings that are stressing me out so far... I really need to figure this out soon! I just hope it works. :-)

Catching up and Going Nuts

Wow. So I haven't been on here in months. SO much has happened. To make very long stories short(er)...

1. Mom - still not very active, though getting up and down remain at the improved level I saw back in April. Most days, she doesn't leave the bed, though sometimes Dad manages to get her out so she can get some fresh air at least. She hasn't had any tests to check the progress of her cancer since March, and won't until mid-October. She has good days, bad days, and in-between days. I'm nervous about what's happening with the cancer, since the medicine she's been on typically stops working after about a year, and the TN oncologist seems to care only about whether she has any propensity for bone fractures. So we're taking things day by day and thanking God for every day she has with us.

2. Dissertation - pretty much totally stalled. My advisor expects a chapter this month (ha!), but I honestly don't know how to do it. It's not that I haven't tried. But there is so much that I don't know, and I can't find a way to put the pieces all together. I have tried many times to talk to people about this - my advisor, another committee member, my boss this past spring, and other grad students - and everyone either dismisses my concerns as "oh, everyone feels that way, you're fine," or they think I'm just being modest in some twisted way. I have almost nothing that I can say with any sort of definite understanding. There are just too many gaps. And since I've been rejected for every grant I've applied for the last 2 years, it seems like no one else thinks my dissertation is important, either. So with no way to get to Spain to do research, and no real way to produce chapters right now, I feel like I'm at a total stand-still.

3. Job - After LOTS of soul-searching in March, April, and May, I sent in resumes to some community colleges, started looking seriously at some of the mission opportunities that were showing themselves, and then, on a whim, submitted my CV and sample syllabi (with cover letter, of course) after a notice came across our listserv that [another state U] was looking for people willing to teach online for their adjunct pool. I didn't think much of it, but then about 3 weeks later I got an email from them asking if I'd be willing to take a one year, half-time lectureship to teach 2 classes each term. The money isn't great, though it's better than anything I've ever earned in the past, but it's a great opportunity for me career-wise, especially if I can't finish the dissertation. So despite the fact that it requires me to move to the other end of the state, I said yes. So I think by the end of the week I'll officially have an apartment to move into next month, about a week before I report for work.

Oh yeah...since the end of March I've been in a relationship with an absolutely wonderful man. He's a junior-high English teacher, loves the Lord, and made me laugh for the first time in months. We went on a crazy road trip, driving from here to his folks' house in IL, then to DC to spend time with his brother & family, then to my parents' house, then to a friend's wedding in Philadelphia, then back to IL, and finally back here. Thankfully, it was an amazing trip, I love his family, and the only regret I had was that I had to be away from my church here for so long.

So that's pretty much the main things that have happened since I last wrote. *phew* My brain is addled now, so I'm signing off.