I cry easily.
That wasn't always true. Except when I was really hormonal. But these days, I tear up very easily. Today, two things set me off. The first was seeing a post about the Living Proof Ministries' Scripture Memory Team Celebration. Last year, Mom and I were trying to memorize 24 scriptures, two per month, together. For the first six months, we both were doing really well. But it got harder in the summer, once she went to hospice care. After she died, I couldn't bring myself to practice my verses at all. We had planned on attending the celebration in Houston together. It was this past weekend. Seeing the pictures made my heart wrench.
The second one makes me feel far more selfish. But it came looking at pictures of yet another friend and their new baby. My friends from college, especially, seem to be baby-making factories. I have long lost track of them all. But these days, it's so painful to look at the pictures of the families, especially of the grandparents, and knowing that it will never be true for me. We have doubts as to whether we'll ever be able to physically have kids anyway. But even if we do, or if we ever have the ability to adopt, any kids we have will never have their maternal grandmother in their lives.
Don't get me wrong - I am very happy for all of my friends that God is blessing their families so much. But it's very hard to combine grief for the loss of Mom with the grief that comes with infertility - well, whatever you want to call it when medical issues make the possibility of pregnancy pretty remote.
So, yeah, I cry easily these days.