Saturday, April 16, 2011

Late night ponderings

It's late. It's after midnight, in fact. My body has been going back and forth between sleeping for hours on end and not being able to fall asleep. Tonight appears to be one of the "hard to fall asleep" nights.

Today was a hard day. A bad day, even. It's a little rare for me to have a day that has little to redeem itself, but today was one. And I need to describe it, just so I can get out the frustration and let it go. It did not start out badly, but I started working on financial issues around 9 a.m. (since I already had my class prepped for today), and things went down hill from there. I had to pay some pretty hefty bills, and so had to do some calculations to see if I could pay off my entire credit card bill or if I'd have to leave a balance of some amount (which I normally don't do).

The financial work led to calculating my remaining bills between now and the first of August, when I'll finally, formally be out of this apartment and living in my fiance's house. That was pretty scary. I have about 3 times as much money owed in bills as I'll have coming in. That got me thinking about health and car insurance payments, and trying to figure out what to do about my health insurance since my benefits end June 1st and I can't get on my fiance's insurance policy until July 1st. (We were told we have to wait until we're married to apply to add me.  They can add me to his policy the day after our wedding, but won't start coverage until the first day of the following month, so I'm uninsured for June unless I find another option.) That was a very unpleasant task. No good options, and the only one that would still cover my pre-existing conditions would cost upwards of $700. So that got me frustrated and emotional.

Then I went to class. My graduate TA skipped class, without informing me or asking me for permission to skip. He already had asked for permission to miss two of three classes next week due to family coming into town, and I had said yes. But I had a number of things I needed to discuss with him regarding the end of next week, and he bailed. He didn't have the courtesy to email me, so I emailed him. I know that it's got to be a little hard for these TAs since I'm younger than them and I don't have a PhD in hand. But you'd think they'd give me even a little respect. My students weren't much better. It was quite apparent by their body language, posture, and an above average amount of disrespectful behavior - despite my asking and then telling them it was inappropriate and to stop - that they were neither interested nor willing to pay attention.

After work, I had to go shopping. Blech. I hate shopping. Especially for clothes. But our choir director announced only a few days ago that we have to match this weekend for our performances, so I had to go find clothes. I got home to find my router messing up badly. I spent almost 90 minutes troubleshooting, resetting, and even completely re-establishing my network before it finally began to work decently.

All of this, combined with very unhelpful comments from my parents, and the fact that my fiance might not get to come up at all tomorrow because his car is having some problems, led to a very emotional day and evening. I began to cheer up a little after some tacos for dinner (Mexican food makes me happy. I know, I'm weird.), and then I decided to ignore all the stresses of being an adult with huge decisions ahead (like a new career), too many responsibilities, and not enough funds to take care of them all by watching some old Disney movies.

Thanks to Netflix, I got to watch "Sleeping Beauty" for the first time in probably 25 years. I had a book that told the story when I was little, and I always loved the illustrations, so it was lovely to watch again. And now, since I can't sleep, I'm watching the '90s Disney version of the "Three Musketeers." It's goofy, reminds me of watching it with one of my good friends in the theatre when we were maybe 12 years old, and the soundtrack absolutely makes the movie.

I know this post is not at all uplifting, contains no deep thoughts on anything important, and is primarily me describing a crappy day. But I needed to write it out. Maybe now I can get my brain to turn off, stop thinking about it all, and go to sleep.

1 comment:

Scientist said...

I know life seems impossible when all you can see are obstacles but hang in there and as corny as it sounds 'God will provide'. I'll have you in my prayers tonight and hope things will get better.