Wow, has this been an emotionally crazy few weeks. There was all the stress & worry and sobbing about who I am, what God has for me, and how we're paying our bills this month. Then there was a God-inspired revelation that my focus was dead wrong, and that I needed to change where I looked - and to whom I looked - if I wanted any sort of relief. (And if my husband wanted relief from his emotional, sobbing wife.)
Can I just say how phenomenally better I've been the last few days? All the cares still exist, but I have had a peace that I can't understand these last few days. It has been a 100% God-given peace, and He alone should get the glory. Hallelujah, amen!
This week has been one of mini celebrations. My husband's birthday is today, and we don't really have any money for me to splurge on a big gift. So I decided to do something every day of the week to make him feel special. Monday, I baked some cinnamon streusel muffins he had wanted. Tuesday, I slipped a little love letter in his briefcase for him to find while at work. Yesterday, I went to the store (2, actually), and bought some breakfast foods he had been wanting and now can have thanks to our new toaster (my mom's b.day present to him). I had them presented on the counter, along with a magazine I knew he'd enjoy and a serious birthday card, so he was greeted by them when he walked in the door. Today, I slipped another card into the bag I prepared with his lunch (our leftovers), and am baking a cake for him. Tomorrow, once the work week is done, I'll take him out to dinner wherever he wants to go.
And then there's this. Today, on my husband's 31st birthday and the two-month-iversary of our wedding, I got a job! Wasn't really expecting anything to come of this, but a month or two ago a former coworker from my phd program wrote and asked if I'd be interested in possibly teaching a course online. I said I'd be interested and submitted my cv and application, but didn't think anything would come of it. Two days ago, that coworker called and asked if I'd be willing to have a phone interview. I said okay. I had it today at noon, and by 1 p.m., they were offering me the job teaching two sections of Western Civ online.
It's not a lot of money, and if my salary had to be enough to support our family, I'd have to turn it down. But since we always saw my salary as supplemental, to cover those last remaining bills, it's really ok for me at this point to earn only $3,000 per course. I might have to go through this whole job thing in the spring or summer, but at least for right now, it is a complete answer to prayer. It will be enough for us to survive financially, and I will have the flexibility to take care of my husband and our house the way I want to do, and I will probably have the opportunity to volunteer or get involved at church or with a ministry as well.
Talk about your emotional roller coasters! But praise be to God, and God alone, for He is my rock and my salvation!