Monday, September 10, 2012

Wrecked - a letter to Jesus

My dearest Jesus,

A few months ago I asked you to break my heart.  You had me study the book of Nehemiah for 6 weeks, as you remember, and the big question that the study posed was: “what has God put on your heart to do?”  I really didn’t know.  But I asked you to break my heart and help me to love others with your love.

Wow – when you answer, you really answer! I thought you’d break my heart for someone or something here where I live – having me serve in some mission here in town.  I thought you’d put something on my heart regarding my church or my family.  But you did what I should learn to expect by now – you turned me to a totally unexpected direction.  You turned me to Ghana, to beautiful little Rebecca, and back to Mexico to my handsome young Michel.

While Michel has been in my life for a few years, I really had not been a very good sponsor.  I cared for him, but I was too easily distracted by the cares and concerns of my own life to show him your love like I should have been doing.  I wrote, but nowhere near as often as I should for such an amazing young man. I loved getting his letters and reading about how he was doing, what he was interested in doing, and looking at his drawings.  His letters went up on the fridge door.  But I was so inadequate in my love for him.  You know this – you tried to tell me over and over again. Please forgive me for not obeying you for so long.

I asked you to break my heart for the things that break yours. And you did. Not just broke my heart. You wrecked it.   

You brought me back to Michel’s picture – looking at that gorgeous head of curly hair and that adorable smile.  You brought me back to reading about how he loves to ride a bicycle and his favorite animal is the horse. You reminded me of his mother and how hard she works to care for him.  And suddenly, in an instant, he was my son. 

In an instant, my heart was overflowing with so much love for Michel and his family that I thought I’d never stop crying.  I couldn’t stop thinking about him, praying for him and his family, wish we could fly to Mexico to meet him.  You gave me that, Jesus. And I am so grateful.  You broke my heart for Michel. 

And then you wrecked me some more and brought me to my darling Rebecca, who might not even know she’s been sponsored yet.  I don’t know what it was – her name (the same as my mother-in-law), her big dark eyes, her brightly colored dress – but I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.  I couldn’t stop worrying about her.  I wanted nothing more than to pick her up in my arms and love on her and tell her how special she is. 

Jesus, you know I haven’t been the best sponsor.  I didn’t let myself get too close.  Maybe I was afraid it would hurt. Maybe I was afraid that they wouldn’t want me in their life.  I guess what you’ve been trying to show me is that hurting is good, when it’s hurting for them the way you do.

Oh, Lord God, thank you for putting Michel and Rebecca in our lives.  Thank you for giving us children in two parts of the world.  Thank you for making my heart long for these two precious ones.  I never realized that I could love these two children like they were my flesh and blood – especially since we don’t have children of our own yet. But when I open this computer and see their beautiful faces that you created and that you knew even before they were knit together in their mother’s wombs, I know.  Michel is my son.  Rebecca is my daughter.

I have such hopes for them both, such dreams for their future.  For Michel, Father, give him a heart after yours.  Help him to grow into a man of integrity and honor, a man who loves and serves you and cares for those who need help.  Give him confidence that he can do anything with Your help.  Give him big dreams, Father, and use Michel to bring others to your throne.  Give him passion and a servant’s heart. Protect him and his family, and provide all that they need each day. 

For Rebecca, Father, may she be like Ruth, Esther, and Mary, who trusted you and served you with all their hearts.  Please protect her and her family, especially from the slavers and human traffickers that are so prominent in Ghana even now.  Please provide clean water and food and security for them all.  Help Rebecca to grow into a woman of virtue and integrity, a woman who loves you first of all and who radiates peace and love from you.  Give her confidence that you created her for a purpose, and that she can do anything with Your help.  Give her big dreams as well, Father, and use Rebecca to transform the world for you.  Give her joy and compassion, and teach her of your love.

Jesus, I can’t ever thank you enough for giving us the chance to be a small part of Michel and Rebecca’s lives.  I have such joy – not because of anything they have done, but just from the opportunity to love them.  This is what you wanted from me all along, isn’t it?  

Please help me to love them and their families with your love.  Continue breaking my heart over them, Jesus. And if it is possible to give us the privilege of adding to our family in the future, please help me to be open-hearted.  Give me your love for them, Jesus. 

Thank you for loving me enough to break my heart.

Your beloved daughter,

**This post is about the two children my husband and I sponsor through Compassion International

**Those of us who are "Bloggers for Compassion" are working in the month of September with the goal of helping 3,108 children gain sponsorship before October 1.  Last week, the first of this month-long challenge, 837 kids were sponsored!

**Whose life could you change for only $38 a month?  Click on the picture below to see the faces of those precious children who most need your help.

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